Six Month Update

Well, despite me being grumpy about having a social worker visit to my home on the morning of Easter Monday (read cleaning the whole house on Easter Sunday and getting up early today), the Dao's 6 month update visit went really well. It was really relaxed actually, which was good, as it is really hard to answer questions and search through paperwork with a 2 yr old hyped up on Easter chocolate and the presence of a stranger in his kitchen. A stranger with a large attractive bag he was dying to go through, and glasses he was dying to try on.

I wish I had written some things down ahead of time, like his activities. When she asked a question, I'd start to answer and invariably be called away by the Dao announcing he was hungry (it WAS lunch time), the dog wanting to kiss the lady, the Dao grabbing the cat's tail and not letting go (first time it has happened in 6 months!... usually the cat is MUCH faster!). So I didn't get to say that he plays in the park with another little kid whose dad makes snow forts, or that we go to the library which has a free play space with tons of toys as well as books. Dang.

But she was impressed by the fact he wears pullups... she thought he was just trained for pee, but no, he is actually much better with the poop than the pee, in that he will make little accidents in his pullups for number one, but shake his little fist like crazy (ASL "toilet") for number two. Only two or three accidents of poopy in the pants (other than the inevitable couple of times of "omigod it is ALREADY COMING OUT!" as we are pulling his pants down frantically next to the toilet) since January. Pretty good for a two year old, not yet two and a half. Esp a boy she said.

And she remarked several times how much he makes good eye contact. I have never thought about it, but it is true. And when she asked if he does any orphanage behaviour, ie rocking back and forth, repetitive behaviours, night terrors etc, I could only say no. It is true, I was watching esp in the first few weeks: when he is in his crib playing alone, does it seem he is shutting people out? does it seem he is compulsively repeating the same gesture? does he pull away from people? overly independent? overly clingy?

None of the above. Indeed, for a child who lived in the orphanage from one day old to 22 mos old, it is quite phenomenal. He eats well (but doesn't overeat, esp these last few weeks... he'll say he is done before his plate is empty). He sleeps VERY well, like a log. And doesn't cry himself to sleep, or demand mama's presence etc. He doesn't want to go to bed, but settles into the nighttime routine and goes willingly at the end of the lullaby and toothbrushing, chatters with his teddies a bit, then sleeps for eleven or twelve hours straight. He is outgoing, but very attached to mama... pointing me out and saying loudly MAMA! after someone talks with him and he says his name. He asks for help when he needs it, asks me to sit down and play with him, brings me books and climbs on my lap, but can play by himself too.

She seemed impressed that he understands English and French quite well, and can follow directions. She also didn't seem weirded out by the signlanguage. I showed her the videos, and she was impressed with his signing and called it a "transitional tool". She even took down the signingtime.com website to look it up. So that was great too.

She said the whole house looked like a kindergarten. She did notice that he has toys in every room so that he can be in the room with me when I have to work, whether it is on the computer or making dinner, so he could keep busy and I could keep an eye on him.

And she noted he is very affectionate with me. So I guess that is good too.

She asked me to describe him, and I said energetic, outgoing, curious, happy, resilient, engaging, active. Really. The kid is nonstop from morning to night (except his nap)... and into everything, whether saying "A!" and trying to make the signing alphabet when he notices letters on the tv screen, or on the stepstool (so cool he recognizes that the abcs are what writing is made up of!), or digging holes in the snow in the park (his new word yesterday: go! ... means "hole"!... he'll point out holes in the wall or ground and say "go!").

She asked about his eating (excellent except for salad!), daycare (I could only proffer the fallen through arrangement of last week), his cleft (repaired, but he's being followed by the cleft palate clinic here), other health issues (none). And then it was over.

I really stressed too much. It was more like having coffee with a friend, and she was MUCH less confrontational than friends, relatives and complete strangers in the park, who all have something to say: he's in a stroller, aren't you depriving him stimulation? he's learning sign language, aren't you delaying his speech? he's learning three languages, arent you fucking him up? he gets up at 8am, isnt that rather late? blah blah blah.

Really, the social worker was MUCH more easy going and positive. But then again, this is the woman I told my relationship disasters to, as well as my whole childhood and life to date, and she wrote it down so glowingly I could read it as a pickmeup any day. And really I should.

So, that was the last official hurdle in our private lives. I still have to read her report and check it over. Then it gets sent to the dept of youth protection, who certify it, and then I take it to the adoption agency with four photos of family life, and it gets translated and sent off to China. We have to do another report at his 12 months adoption anniversary, but I write it myself. So that is the last "report to authorities who report on you". YAY!!

I feel really selfish and lazy and like I cannot applaud myself at all for going with the China adoption program instead of fosteradopt. But I am so relieved that I was matched with such a great little boy, so healthy, so few issues, such an easy kid. And I know that if I had adopted from here, the chances would be so minimal of such happening. Even if the kid was great, the system just sucks the big one. It wouldn't have been ONE lunchtime social worker visit from the time the homestudy was finished for approval, to six months after adoption. hah! I am so happy to be my own parent to my own child, instead of parenting for the state. I feel a guilty twinge that I am not reaching out a hand to the hardest problem children. But on the other hand, he was a special needs boy nearly two years old, who needed a family. And I am so glad that family is me.

Happy Six Months with mama, baby Dao!! Mama's big boy!

Comments

"I feel really selfish and lazy and like I cannot applaud myself at all for going with the China adoption program instead of fosteradopt. "
You know, when you get a kid with essentially no issues who is bonded to you, you feel a lot more like a birth parent (I believe), like "LOOK at this gorgeous child! How lucky am I!" Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. It is a pleasure to read how well the 2 of you are doing. Hugs!

[ina]

"I feel really selfish and lazy and like I cannot applaud myself at all for going with the China adoption program instead of fosteradopt. "
You know, when you get a kid with essentially no issues who is bonded to you, you feel a lot more like a birth parent (I believe), like "LOOK at this gorgeous child! How lucky am I!" Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. It is a pleasure to read how well the 2 of you are doing. Hugs!

[Anna]

Congratulations, Clutter Girl. I am so happy that you and the Dao are a family. Sometimes our children need to come to us through a circuitous route. I'm glad you have each other! Thank you for the updates! :)

[Val]

I am also thrilled to hear how well things are going for you & the Dao!
Now if I could just figure out my new digital camera, I could send you some POULTRY PICTURES...
[for more personal detritus, email me!]

[PinkPoppies]

Hey that's great CG. What a great gift to receive at the return of spring. I am delighted for you. Pink