Founding a Family in Clutter

Oh-oh!

The Dao used to say Oh-oh only for dire problems...

But now it serves to point out anything out of the ordinary that he thinks needs attention:

- a mitten has fallen out of the cupboard onto the floor
- a teddybear is out of his crib
- a tiny spot of milk has splashed on the table
- the dog barked in the front yard (forbidden)
- there is a dog poopy lying in the snow somewhere along the sidewalk
- there is a piece of onion peel on the floor
- there is a sock hidden behind furniture
- the credits are rolling on his signing time video
- there is some dirty snow in the park (fell off the parks vehicle driving through)

What mama thinks is oh-oh is that he won't go to sleep at his regular nap time: he used to fall asleep within five or ten minutes if I put him down sometime between 12:30 noon and 1:30 pm. And sleep til about 3pm. At which time we could have a snack (or go for coffee in the coffeeshop), play games, do fingerpainting, play in the bath etc before dogwalkies at 5pm.

But now he jumps up and down and yells and babbles and throws everything out of his bed, and goes ohoh and ow! ow! (for no discernible reason except mama comes running) until 2:55. And then just when i think we can get on with our day, he is dead to the world. And will sleep straight through til 5pm when we must go dogwalkies. No time for waking up (he is snuggly grumporama when he wakes from his nap: won't even be put on the floor, on the potty, or at the table to snack for 10-15 mins). No time for a snack. No time for playing. Just straight out of bed into the snowsuit. oooh lalalala. Grumporama baby out in the park.

So... any brilliant ideas of what to do?

He gets up about 8:15-8:30 am. Now that hasn't changed at all. Some have suggested I put him to bed earlier.

Hahaha.

He now gets put to bed sometime between 8 and 9pm. And he goes to sleep about..... 10-10:30 pm. Just how many times can I tell him to go to sleep as he shouts out, jumps on his mattress, sings, throws toys around? So... vodka? a blunt object over the head? just let him stay up til he drops off in a corner? (a couple times he missed his nap cuz we were out, ie chinese new year in a resto en gang, but he didn't go to sleep any earlier at night, just slept til 9am the next morning)....

I just want to have our afternoons back to have fun.

oh-oh.

Wiped out

Well, no more time for being down about the circumstances and direction of my life. I even forgot yesterday was Valentines Day. I should have gotten an adorable card for my small son and a chocolate heart. Oh well, I grabbed some little foil chocolate hearts for him and his friend tomorrow morning when they have a playdate. I WAS going to vaccuum the house, shake the dust, cat hair and plant leaves off the couch covers and tidy up. I think they'll be lucky if I sweep the main floor and finish making the macaroni cheese tuna casserole.

The Dao had his first swimclass tonight and it wiped me out. Really. It is half hour from 5-5:30 pm. I thought, how much of a hassle could that be? Well, we start rushing at 4 to get him to eat (EAT EAT EAT!! now why will you NOT eat your pears? or allow mama to remove them?) and go potty (Potty!! Now!! we have to LEAVE!), putting together the towels and swimsuits and shower stuff. Did you know that tiny toddlers need bathing caps too? I didn't, and so he wore mine, and I was the only mama without one (didn't put my head under). Leave at 4:30... and didn't get home til 6:30 once I stopped by the grocery store. Walk the dog and I didn't start supper til past 7:30... supper finished at 8:45... not exactly in line with my ideal of having him IN BED by 8pm.

So, exhausting and just threw the whole evening routine off, all for half hour in the water. And doggy didn't even have any friends to play with (they were an earlier shift) so she's still bugging me to play with her. AND she escaped out the front fence over the snow, despite me having shovelled along it so it would be tall enough to keep her in. Neighborhood kids found her across the street, down a long ways, in a schoolyard. Very very bad. I don't want to lose her or have her hit by a car. Big problem.

Have any of you taken a toddler to a swim class? It was really weird. I thought it would be MORE gentle and structured than an older kid class... ie show the parents and kids what to do, SLOWLY. But it seemed like all the kids and parents had gone before: there was no "hello" speech from the woman running it. Just suddenly everyone was putting their kids on the side and having them jump into the water. The Dao only wanted to do that by sitting on the edge and holding onto my hands. Jumping from standing into the arms of someone in the water seems a rather shocking way to introduce someone to the concept of being in a huge pool of water. Then lay them on their backs in a starfish... haha! He certainly wasn't trusting enough to do that... he sort of lay back, but crunched up in a fetal position, struggling. Then we were supposed to jump up and down and "look at the fishies under water" on a count of three. Well, after I dunked his whole head under with no warning, like he trusted me! No. He clung onto me like a lichen (wrong ecosystem I know, but I'm from Saskatchewan. I have no idea what clings in the sea... barnacles maybe?).

What happened to gently getting in the water? Splashing with your feet to get used to the water? Putting your face in voluntarily to blow out bubbles?

Everyone seemed to know the two or three songs she got us to sing together except me and one other father who also looked lost. And no one else seemed to think it strange not to have a "introduce your kid to water" thing. Perhaps they just assume that at 19-30 mos they had all done the pool all summer last year. Sorry, not this adopted kid. Heck, I knew 6 or 12 yr olds when I was a kid who would have just freaked to have a parent just dunk them under the water. Oh well.

Another weird thing is that it was a single mixed changeroom. Now if it were just the kids getting changed, well no problem. But there were fathers and mothers. And only a couple little booths to take your clothes off in: normally in a changeroom, doesn't one dry off naked and get into and out of the bathingsuit next to our locker? Now imagine there are moms AND dads, each with a 2 yr old. Nightmare. And silly me. I brought shampoo, bath oil, soap and lotion etc, planning to properly shower off the chlorine. Nope. The only two showers were open in the pool area. So we showered in our bathingsuits. No hairwashing. And given the changeroom layout, I dried and got dressed in the tiny changeroom while trying to keep the kiddo off the wet floor, and only he got lotion. Despite it being winter and ME with the super dry skin. I really have never seen anything like it.

Anyways I am torn between asking for a partial refund and not going anymore and continuing for the "stimulation": it is just so exhausting for such a short "lesson". I could wait for this summer to do the same "intro to water" as they were doing... just one activity after the other, and many he wouldn't do, like diving to pick up objects of the bottom (it does seem a bit advanced for his first day in the water). But he did like the water (the changeroom is directly open to the minipool, not even a crook in the doorway, and several times while I was trying to get dressed he nearly ran into the pool in his snowsuit!) and I can say to the social worker for my 6 month report that he is taking gymnastics AND swimming. dang. Maybe we can cancel and change for modern dance. At least then I don't have to live without bath oil and have fathers in the changeroom.

In other news... small son's shirt was waaayyy too small when I put it on him: I measured him on the doorframe and he is 1 1/8 inches taller than just a month ago! egads! He grew a cm in the three previous months and 3 cm in the next month! But incredibly he was still one of the pudgier kids in the swim class.

So... tell me your toddler swim class experiences!

New words and Old Hopes

Well, the new words of the week are
ahhgnah! (onion) and
ahhmnah! (omelet)
and he seems to be more into trying to copy me saying things... not very successfully, but at least utterances that attempt to follow.

Except he now says Go Go Go Go all the time. Gogo. GoGO! and i have no idea what it is supposed to mean.

And Nah! Well, it means "light" as in "let me turn the light off and on", but he has also been saying it as we go down the street. I am stymied. Who knows.

And does anyone know where I can get some Signing Time dvds second hand? We are ready for new ones, but at $20 a shot, plus shipping, plus we have to pay tax on them when the post office delivers them (coming from the states) it adds up. With it so popular, one would think that they would be available second hand a lot. Doesn't seem so. Almost all the ones available on ebay are almost the same price as the new ones, AND signingtime.com seems to sell on ebay as well. So no $3 deals on ones bought by parents who ended up having early talkers, or who just weren't into it etc... so if anyone has any leads...

On another front...

These days I seem to be sort of bumming a lot... looking at families with bio kids, where I think... well, they fell in love and made a baby and are raising the kid together. What happened to my expectation that ONE day, only ONE person needs fall in love with me, only one... and I'd have a life partner. Even someone to have gone through the infertility and the adoption with. In some ways I feel really inadequate. Unlovable (ok, yes I am loved by a lot of people... old friends, ex lovers, my parents... but that is not what I mean... ) and undesirable. Unwanted and I just feel that there is really little point in sticking my neck out again, to hope, and once again have it all fall through. Worse when there is a little boy involved. Bad enough his major role model is someone I didn't want for a partner (and who didn't want me)... he hardly needs to get attached to someone I have active relationship issues with, a breakup, mama being heartbroken etc. Egads.

I really feel life is so much more on an even keel when I have nothing up. No hopes, expectations, nothing rising or failing. But how did I get here. I never in a million years expected to reach 45 without a real relationship... maybe a divorce, or breaking up after ten years or something. But really... has there EVER been a real REAL beginning of a relationship? With expectations to stay together (other than the honeymoon dating period)? With future plans together and investment in the future? hah.

Really. I expected someone to come along who I loved and admired, who would love and admire me, in all my me-ness and quirkiness, faults and good points. I really expected to be living with someone, with children and then grandchildren. Admit it, I expected a marriage, whether with a man or a woman. When I was younger I debated seating plans for my wedding in my mind, who would give me away... my mom, my dad, his wife... all that hassle. and somehow all that has come and gone.

What future now. I don't know. It seems I have my career, bought my house, adopted my child, all by myself. If I meet someone now, they have to FIT INTO my life, rather than create one with me. Voilà: me, house, kid, dog. I cannot even begin to imagine it.

But it just feels a bit surreal. This person I have become. Less giving. Less trusting. Less tolerant. Less open. More defensive. Less patient. More closed. Less innocent and hoping. Less enthusiastic. So many times having given my all and then finding out that my gifts were considered burdens, or my best sunday breakfasts were "tolerated" or that special times created were considered annoyances, sex proffered seen as demands. Depressing.

Watching "Ten Years Younger", I could totally relate to those who just give up. Who just put on what is easiest in the morning. The same clothes as ten years ago. They wear out, buy the same things, maybe in a bigger size if you've put on weight or filled out with age.

Where did that passionate energetic girl go? With ideals and hopes and throwing love in gushing torrents, who'd stay up all night to make things just right to impress someone else? She just wants to sleep in, wear her old jeans and a sweatshirt now, and keep her hands warm in this cold weather.

The Dao's Vocab

Well, since Baggage is boasting about Snowbaby's vocab, I thought I would brag about the Dao's. He's been with me now for five months (home from China for 4.5 mos). He is learning English, French, mandarin and Sign Language. Lots lots lots. We have a woman come in once a week for an hour to do mandarin... incredible how much one vocab one needs in an hour. I can't discern that he says any mandarin words though. Though he understands a lot.

Ok.
He says:

MAH! (bus)
mah. (mitten)
aghki! (taxi)
aghkete (Asterix: one of our cats)
gege (Gretchen, our dog)
mamam (Chaman, neighbor's dog)
eehpoo (Help you (me)
nana (banana)
meh (milk)
mohr (more)
mama (mama)
wawa (water)
eye! (ice)
wowohh (shovel)
oh-oh! (oh-oh!)
ow! (ouch, bandaid, ointment for wounds)
oronh (orange)
ehh! (egg)
unhky (hungry)
ahhnkyoo (thankyou)
na! (light) (who knows why? Because I say "light ON"??

Words he can sign:

Cracker
Milk
Water
Candy
Orange
Bread
Toast
Banana
Egg
Soup
Spoon
Butter
Meat
Cheese
Apple
Pear
Berry
Orange
Egg
Shoe
Sock
Sweater
Coat
Get Dressed
Pyjamas
Sleep
Bowl
Bath
Wash hands
Hat
Brush teeth
Wet
Dry
Bus
Airplane
Boat
Car
Dog
Cat
Fish
Bird (chicken)
Bear
Help me
Finished (empty, done, all gone)
Hot
Cold
Warm
Please
Thankyou
Ice Cream
Potty
Cereal
Hungry
Diaper

And no, he doesn't make sentences. I really try, but saying "more apple?" "more milk?" but he will only sign or say More! or Milk! but not both. He'll be 2 yrs and 3 mos (27 mos) old in five days.

Anyways, I can't tell you how proud I am of him. He really understands WAYY more than he can say, including "tomber" (fall down) in French, etc. He also makes movements, like making is arm fall down from above his head, to indicate "fall down", which aren't real sign language. If I give him a long sentence, like "go peepee in the potty and put on your little pants so you can have supper", he has no problem carrying that out (ok, he says and signs "help me!" when he tries to put on his pullups... but he still obviously knows what the request is).

He is showing great interest in reading and writing... wanting to write when I do (which is a lot), and pointing to words on things and sort of chanting in baby language, including pointing to the chinese book with little poems I read out loud at suppertime and blabbling along with me when I read. He gets books out all the time and sort of "reads" them aloud to himself, including books with no pictures, like the thick chinese english dictionary.

So, mama is very happy, though he isn't exactly speaking intelligibly yet to others. He is definitely on the right road, eager, learning and interested, and mama is very proud.